If our love could have kept you alive...You'd be alive still, William.
Time cannot take away the hurt - It is impossible - One cannot merely turn the page as if it were a book and begin another chapter...The wound goes too deep...the agony of loss too great to heal. Part of my heart and soul died when my son died...and I will never be the same person again. Yes, the Lord has helped me recently...to be able to have a measure of peace, where once I knew no peace at all...and for this I am eternally grateful...but I will never, ever be the same person I was before the accident...I am forever changed. I miss my only beloved son dreadfully...I listen every day to the voicemail on my phone that he left me...calling just to tell me that he loved me...God knew I needed that message...I guess heaven needed my son more than I did...Is that possible? I think of every moment of time we had with our only son and I count each moment as a beautiful treasure from heaven...given to us to enrich our lives! God truly blessed us with the best son in the whole world...our little brown boy....our Sweet William who was ornery and crazy and funny and lovable and silly and just downright cute! Oh dear God sometimes I think I will go mad with longing to have one of his "boy-hugs" again...William, I miss you so much...your crazy faces and your radiant white smile and the silly dances and jokes and pranks oh.....how can I bear it...no more music coming out of your room...your drums and bass guitar are still and silent.....
It's not right...I need to do your laundry and cook your meals and take care of you if you get sick...and just be your mum.....like I've always done....that is what I am supposed to do....so what do I do now? Charlotte is married....and I still try to take care of her.....but she is kind of gone too...but you are really truly gone and that is what is making me die on the inside and breaking my heart a little more every day...Maybe I loved you too much? Is there such a thing?
It's not right...I need to do your laundry and cook your meals and take care of you if you get sick...and just be your mum.....like I've always done....that is what I am supposed to do....so what do I do now? Charlotte is married....and I still try to take care of her.....but she is kind of gone too...but you are really truly gone and that is what is making me die on the inside and breaking my heart a little more every day...Maybe I loved you too much? Is there such a thing?
Forever loving and missing
you sweet William,
Mums
~ xoxo to you in heaven ~
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Susan
~4ever Will's Mum~