Celebrating William's Life

They say there is a reason,
They say that time will heal,
But neither time nor reason,
Will change the way I feel,
For no-one knows the heartache,
That lies behind our smiles,
No-one knows how many times,
We have broken down and cried,
We want to tell you something,
So there won't be any doubt,
You're so wonderful to think of,
But so hard to be without.
~Author Unknown~


Thinking of you today William...
Remembering your smile, your
laughter, your crazy faces and silly,
crazier dances...your talent, your
strength, your sheer love of life
and zest for living...Today, I am
celebrating who you are within
my mother's heart....it is hard,
but it is very beautiful too...
I love you forever and miss
you till heaven! xoxo

Whispers From The Water

My son, my son, my only beloved son...I sat outside in the darkness...listening to the sounds of the night...hearing water running in the backyard of our neighbor's fountain...seeing the stars glittering in the blackness of the night sky where no moon was visible...as considered apt for performing Shradh to honor the death of parents and relatives in the traditional Hindu religion...the death of my son....my only beloved son. No, I am not Hindu, nor was I performing Shradh...I was just outside alone in the night thinking, meditating, praying and remembering the other dark nights...the ones we spent searching for you, my son.
Yesterday, I finished reading the book "A River Runs Through It And Other Stories" by Norman Maclean. Some things reminded me of you, William, but mostly it was the river...the water...picturing in my mind the ebb and flow of the light on the water such as it was the day I went up to Devil's Falls, and it made me think of the words by Norman Maclean as he stated, "Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of those rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters."
I am not just haunted by the waters and the words that belong to them...but by what lay under the waters for four days waiting to be found, to be rescued...those waters certainly have words that belong only to them, though as your mum...I have a desperate need to know what your last words were as you struggled to get free...they are mine, they do not belong to the river....and they will haunt me forever.
For now...just know that I love you forever and miss you desperately, William, my only beloved son.
I love you with all of my mother's heart and soul...I wish you were still with us...I'd gladly give my life, my all to have you alive...but I wasn't given the choice...so for the rest of my life....I will listen closely for the Whispers From The Water...that someday they will become clear to me.

My William at 16 Years Old