Father's Day 2010

Today is Father's Day & you should be celebrating your Dad with Charlotte...but all we have his memorials of your anniversary or your birthday...yet still at each one your Dad lets us all know how much he loves you & misses you & tells stories about the great times he had being your Dad & all your funny stories & we are missing you more than ever...You were your Dad's best buddy & he misses you so much...you are missing at his Father's Day dinner today. You should be with him...but God had other plans & my heart breaks a little more when I see your Dad miss you so much...it's just not right that you are no longer with us...that you will not be here to carry on the family name & that your Dad was so proud to have a son...so that our name would be kept alive...
If our love could have kept you alive...You'd be alive still, William...
Time cannot take away the hurt - It is impossible - One cannot merely turn the page as if it were a book and begin another chapter...The wound goes too deep...the agony of loss too great to heal. Part of our hearts and souls died when our son died...and we will never be the same people again...not ever, ever be the same people that we were  before the accident...we are forever changed.
We miss our only beloved son dreadfully...I listen every day to the voicemail on my phone that he left me...calling just to tell me that he loved me...God knew I needed that message...I guess heaven needed our son more than we did...Is that possible?
I think of every moment of time we had with our only son & I count each moment as a beautiful treasure from heaven...given to us to enrich our lives! God truly blessed us with the best son in the whole world...our little brown boy....our Sweet William who was ornery & crazy & funny & lovable & silly and & downright cute! Oh dear God sometimes I think I will go mad with longing to have one of his "boy-hugs" again...William, we miss you so much...your crazy faces & your radiant white smile & the silly dances & jokes & pranks oh.....how can we bear it...no more music coming out of your room...your drums and bass guitar are still and silent.....& soon your room will have to be packed away because we have to leave our little "House of Dreams" our very first home that has so many carvings of your initials everywhere...
It's not right...I need to be in this our little home, to do your laundry & cook your meals & take care of you if you get sick...& just be your mum.....like I've always done....that is what I am supposed to do....so what do I do now? You are really truly gone & that is what is making me die on the inside & breaking my heart a little more every day...
Maybe we loved you too much? Is there such a thing?
Forever loving & missing you sweet William,
Pepe & Mums xoxo to you in Heaven Little Brown Boy. We love you for ever & miss you till heaven...