Happy Birthday In Heaven To Our William

Today you would have been 25 years old, our 

Sweet William...yet you will be Forever 19!

We remember so well the day that you were

born and how happy we were to have a

new little son...your Dad's best buddy in

the whole world.

Word's cannot describe how much we miss

you down here on earth, but we know you

must be having the time of your life

up in heaven.

We would have chosen to keep you here

with us, of course, but God had a

much different plan for your life.

We will never understand the "why" but

when we get to heaven the "why" will not

matter anymore...so long as we are

all together in Heaven with our Creator!

We just wanted to take this time to let

the whole world know that we remembered

your birthday and let them know what

a precious gift you were to our family for

the short time you were here...

To some, 19 years might seem like a long

time, but to us, it flew by on the wings

of the wind.

We hung an orange wind chime up at

your place at Mount Vernon, so you, our

'Wind-Dancer' could make it sing to the world.

If our love alone could have kept you alive...

You'd be alive still!

Forever loving you...

Forever in our hearts...

Forever 19...

Forever Young...

Forever Will!

XOXO to you in

Heaven our Little Brown Boy

All Through The Night

Oh my Sweet William…Mum is missing you so badly. My heart hurts with such a searing pain that it feels like knife twisting and slashing over and over and over…My heart is breaking…my soul is brought to the dust…I just want to die right now and go to heaven…me and dad and Char and be with you and Jesus forever..I’m hurting so bad I don’t know what to do…I cry out to God for help…for mercy…but when I cried for His mercy when they found your car underwater….no mercy came….like I feel today….that no matter how hard I cry out to Jesus…no matter how hard I pray…no mercy comes…no relief from the heart-wrenching pain.

I want to be able to smile for you….to be there for your Dad and Charlotte because I know how bad they are hurting too…oh dear God….why, why, why did it all have to happen this way…I cry out in my pain and grief…tears rush down my face like a river…Dear God forgive me for questioning your deity, your sovereignty…your decision to take William home even in such a horrible, tragic car accident...for you are the God that gives and takes away…God I’m so sorry. I know my little brown boy is in a better place but that can’t take away the grief and hurt inside of me…it is paralyzing me…I couldn't even think about anything else anymore as the 5 year anniversary of the day he went missing came and went this past Christmas of 2010.
I think of the days we spent fasting and praying and searching so hard for our son….it all comes back like a nightmare to scream over and over through my mind…never ending until I am overcome with weeping…Weeping is supposed to endure through the night and joy is supposed to come in the morning…this is the longest night I have ever lived…just over five years now…is it really true that it has been that long since we have seen our Sweet William? Is it really possible that it is really five years already???

It feels like just yesterday since I last saw your radiant smile and hugged you and told you I loved you and yet it feels like an eternity at the same time, since I was able to hold you and kiss your brown cheeks.…I miss you Will, more than mere words can even convey…I love you so much…you and Charlotte both…my two beacons of light and joy in this world…our two children…Maybe we loved too much and that is why God took you? To test our love for Him if He took someone we loved so dearly?

It makes me so fearful that we will lose Charlotte too…I get so afraid that God will take Charlotte or your Dad from me too…I know it is wrong to worry about that so much…but I cannot help it. The fear is overwhelming that something will happen to them too….Dear God…please tell William that I love him and that I cannot wait to leave this life and get to heaven to be there with you, my God, and be with my son William again forever. And in the meantime…Dear God…have mercy…spare the rest of my family…and heal my torn and broken heart so that once again I can smile for my Sweet William…please…

Missing My Lil Brown Boy On Mother's Day

I went up to your place, my son, and looked all about at folks leaving flowers and balloons, paying tribute to their mothers...but I was paying tribute to the tender loving, yet totally extreme memories of my only beloved son.

Missing you is the hardest thing I've ever lived through in my life...Holding the heart and hand of a little baby....and letting go of the hand of a handsome young man in the prime of his life. My heart will never heal from the pain of losing you, my son...I will always remember how much joy and happiness you brought to our family, what a pleasure your presence brought to our home...what a wonderful brother, best friend, and protector of your sister that you were...she told us that she didn't just lose her brother, but she lost her best friend.

We spent the time together today....just Charlotte, your dad and I the three of us together...and how much we missed your happy, radiant smile...it's just not the same with you gone and never will be again.

Charlotte misses you so much too...she doesn't have another brother or sister to turn to...you were always there for her.

I love you Sweet William, with all the love a Mother's Heart can hold...Forever and ever to eternity and back again.

xoxo to you in heaven, my only beloved son.

Forever 19

Forever Young,

Forever In Our Hearts

Forever Will