Not Just September...Wake Me Up When December Ends

        The words of this song...

"Wake Me Up When September Ends"

For me should read...

"Wake Me Up When December Ends"...

If I could just go to sleep today and wake up

in January or perhaps not wake up at all...

Just fly away to heaven...my whole family...

Just all of us fly away to heaven right now...

Life would be so much easier...

I miss my son so very much...

I miss his laughter and his

Beautiful, radiant smile...

I miss the perfect circle of our

Family...always together...

Hearts full of love...

I miss you Sweet William

My heart is broken...

Life can never, ever be the same again.

My desire is for all of us to

Be all together in Heaven...

Soon...

Whispers From The Water

My son, my son, my only beloved son...I sat outside in the darkness...listening to the sounds of the night...hearing water running in the backyard of our neighbor's fountain...seeing the stars glittering in the blackness of the night sky where no moon was visible...as considered apt for performing Shradh to honor the death of parents and relatives in the traditional Hindu religion...the death of my son....my only beloved son. No, I am not Hindu, nor was I performing Shradh...I was just outside alone in the night thinking, meditating, praying and remembering the other dark nights...the ones we spent searching for you, my son.
Yesterday, I finished reading the book "A River Runs Through It And Other Stories" by Norman Maclean. Some things reminded me of you, William, but mostly it was the river...the water...picturing in my mind the ebb and flow of the light on the water such as it was the day I went up to Devil's Falls, and it made me think of the words by Norman Maclean as he stated, "Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of those rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters."
I am not just haunted by the waters and the words that belong to them...but by what lay under the waters for four days waiting to be found, to be rescued...those waters certainly have words that belong only to them, though as your mum...I have a desperate need to know what your last words were as you struggled to get free...they are mine, they do not belong to the river....and they will haunt me forever.
For now...just know that I love you forever and miss you desperately, William, my only beloved son.
I love you with all of my mother's heart and soul...I wish you were still with us...I'd gladly give my life, my all to have you alive...but I wasn't given the choice...so for the rest of my life....I will listen closely for the Whispers From The Water...that someday they will become clear to me.

My William at 16 Years Old

Falling To Pieces

I'm so desperately bummed and feeling like I'm literally falling apart even more, lately...no one reads this journal, so it doesn't matter if I speak without holding anything back.

I wish I could talk to you in person, my son, you were always so positive and helping others get up out of the rut. I'm stuck in that rut...very deeply in that rut and can't seem to get out...don't feel like I have the strength to try.

Just have to tell you how much I love you and miss you my only beloved son...not many around me understand, and I've been staying home from the mother's meetings, because between the pain it takes to go out and the emotional pain, I just don't want to bring anyone else down...so it seems better for me to stay home as usual.

It's like everything I've ever known and held on to is falling apart....literally falling to pieces to match the shattered pieces of my heart.

I love you forever and ever...you and Charlotte and your Dad...you are my life.

You Would Have Wanted To Be There

My Dearest Son,
Dad and Charlotte went camping with Josh and some others for the weekend. Yesterday they went white-water rafting...I know you would have loved to go...
I would have loved to go, even if only to take pictures of Dad and Char's first adventure into white-water rafting...but I wasn't asked to go...I know it's probably because of my physical condition, but it would have been nice to be asked anyway...it hurts. I'm alone too much. I'm not whining, just being honest and stating the facts as they are, because I've vowed to always tell the truth...even if it hurts.
I love you for always, I'll remember your beautiful, radiant smile and happy, joyful, crazy disposition...You will always be: Forever in my heart....Mums

Memorial Day: May 31, 2010

This day is May 31, Memorial Day 2010. It is a holiday set aside to honor and remember all of the soldiers from the beginning of the start for the War of Independence from England in the 1700's to our present day soldiers.

Our family stands behind every soldier and keeps them in our prayers daily. We appreciate so very much their service to our country...many who gave years of their lives and many who gave their all...their very lives to protect and keep America free.

Our hearts our with all of our soldiers and their families. May God bless and keep you every day of your lives and keep you all safe.

Our son, William Vincent Alexander Reynolds, who always dreamed of becoming a soldier of the United States of America from the time he was a tiny little boy...so for us, it is Memorial Day every day for our family, since he took his test to join the Army Rangers just days before the tragic accident which took his life when he had just turned 19 years old...he would have made one heck of a soldier...of this we, his family are sure and confident. If only he'd had the chance. We look at the walls of his room covered in posters of all the divisions of the military special forces units...and we know beyond a shadow of a doubt...our son would have been a soldier to be proud of...he was already training himself physically to be ready for basic training. We remember how hard he worked out and how healthy he was. We  love you William...You are forever in our hearts and minds...and we miss you more than we can even say.

God bless our troops, and this country the Great Country, the United States of America.

The Aura Of Life

We found something today...it seems to be so fitting, we could not let it pass us by...It says in words, just how we feel without you by our sides. Mums...I feel this especially true when it comes to our chilren, because afterall, one never expects their child to pass on before one does as a parent.  XOXO To You In Heaven Sweet William ~ Mums ~
"People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad."
 By: Marcel Proust
Marcel Proust, 7/10/1871 - 12/18/1922, was a French novelist, critic and essayist best known for his monumental À la recherche du temps perdu (In Search of Lost Time; earlier translated as Remembrance of Things Past). It was published in seven parts between 1913 and 1927.

Families Together

Dearest William,

Your Dad and Charlotte and I were able to spend the afternoon and evening with your Uncle Les, Aunt Sherry, Stacie, your best bud and Cousin Clayton and his new wife Sarah...only you were missing...after all...you were always the life of the party, playing jokes and your laughter and that radiant smile.

I just want you to know that you were missed, my lil brown boy...

Our very own Sweet William who could also be so mischievous while you were growing up...I just wanted to say that though I was so happy to be spending time with them...I was still missing you in my mum's heart.

All our love to you forever...You are forever in our hearts!

XOXO to you in Heaven, Our WillMan

Love Pepe (aka Dad), Mum & Charlotte

Missing My Lil Brown Boy On Mother's Day

I went up to your place, my son, and looked all about at folks leaving flowers and balloons, paying tribute to their mothers...but I was paying tribute to the tender loving, yet totally extreme memories of my only beloved son.

Missing you is the hardest thing I've ever lived through in my life...Holding the heart and hand of a little baby....and letting go of the hand of a handsome young man in the prime of his life. My heart will never heal from the pain of losing you, my son...I will always remember how much joy and happiness you brought to our family, what a pleasure your presence brought to our home...what a wonderful brother, best friend, and protector of your sister that you were...she told us that she didn't just lose her brother, but she lost her best friend.

We spent the time together today....just Charlotte, your dad and I the three of us together...and how much we missed your happy, radiant smile...it's just not the same with you gone and never will be again.

Charlotte misses you so much too...she doesn't have another brother or sister to turn to...you were always there for her.

I love you Sweet William, with all the love a Mother's Heart can hold...Forever and ever to eternity and back again.

xoxo to you in heaven, my only beloved son.

Forever 19

Forever Young,

Forever In Our Hearts

Forever Will

Big-Headed People

Up again...late at night...with only my memories for company.
Sweet memories of my babies...their first smiles, first teeth, first step, first word...all those first things, locked carefully away in my mother's heart.
I'm missing you so much our Lil Brown Boy...found a lot of your pictures and cards and schoolwork while your dad and I are going through the mountain of bins of paperwork to sort/file/shred...but we had to stop when we came upon those treasured memories.
I am so thankful that I was chosen to be your mother...and that God chose you to be my son. I've so many precious, tender, loving memories as well as many wild and crazy ones about you too, Sweet William.

I'm missing you, my only son...missing you terribly....so I drew a picture on the bathroom hall of one of your pictures of those 'big-headed' people with the wildest hair...they were all just a big head, with wild hair, circles for eyes and big grins and a ton of long uneven legs...it made my heart smile through the tears. I don't care if it is in the front bathroom that guests would use....it makes me smile every time I see it.
I love you forever and with all of my heart, to eternity and back again and then some more.
Can't wait until we are all re-united again as a perfect, happy family...Forever loving you, my son...
Mums xoxo to you up in Heaven my Will-Man

My Goofy, Funny, Loveable Son

My Goofy, Funny, Loveable Son

William Vincent Alexander Reynolds

Our Will-Man

You held the world in your hands...

You knew you could...

So maybe I, too, can.

You seized the day,

No holds barred...

You made your way.

You never looked back

You forged ahead...

Determined to win,

The losses you shed.

Knowing loss would hold you down

You let it go...

New courage you found.

You lived your life

You lived it well...

You made us proud

Your story we tell.

We live each day

Your laughter in mind,

We seek to live

and learn and find

The joy you found

In each new day...

We love you Will

Forever and always.

You are forever young...

Forever in our hearts...

~ Forever Will ~ 

 XOXO to you in Heaven

My Sweet William

You will always be my

Little Boy Blue...Yet at the same time

My Lil Brown Boy!

I just wish with all of my heart

that I could hug you again...

Someday soon ~ I know I will

I felt and saw it in my dream

on Sunday 4/18/2010.

Waiting For That Day...

The last post took every bit of strength out of me as I had to face the reality of our loss...I've taken weeks just to recover enough from that post to try my hand at another....

Right now all I can say is I miss you with all of my mother's heart, my only beloved son, William Vincent Alexander Reynolds...our little brown boy...our WillMan. You were always the very best son anyone could ask for and all you have made so proud of you in everything you did.

We just love and miss you so much that it's hard to just face living without your radiant smile....yet I know we must go on, until we can all meet together in heaven someday....that day cannot come soon enough for me.

We love you to eternity and back again and then some more...

Forever in our hearts....Forever Loved....Forever Young....Forever Will

xoxo to heaven from Pepe, Mums and Char

MY HEART IS BREAKING

How could this be all that was

left of the car you were driving...

Dear God my heart hurts so badly

tonight...the memory and pain

of it all is just crushing the

very life breath out of me tonight.

I feel that I just cannot bear it.

I miss you so much...the pain

inside of me is unbearable...

It is smothering me....

I still cannot believe that horrible

accident really happened...

I cannot believe you are really

truly gone from us...my heart

won't believe it...it still seems

you are just away on a

road trip on your street bike...

back patio and there is your

bike and I weep and the

pain inside of me is unbearable...

We were such a close knit family...

like Charlotte told me the other

day...we had the perfect family

and then the accident had to

happen and ruined it all...

What are we going to do

without you Will??? Without

your radiant smile and your

crazy dances and your jokes

and just your being YOU???

Oh my dear God....

I can't do this...it is too hard...

the dreams...no they are

nightmares...are too real...

then I wake up and you are

not here in your bed...but

your bed is empty...your

room is still and silent...the

drums and bass guitar...the

keyboard lay still and untouched

just like you left them...oh the

silence hurts....sometimes I just

go and lay on your bed and

cry...I look at your instruments

and the silence is crushing...

My mother's heart is breaking

inside of me...I love you my

lil brown boy...I love you so

very much and I miss you with

my whole soul...I will never

ever be the same again...part

of me died with you...oh my

baby boy....what I wouldn't

give to have you back again

alive and whole and safe

and sound....why????

But I cannot question the

Almighty can I....my heart is

just hurting...I want to hold

my lil brown boy in my arms

again and get another

one of your "boy-hugs" again...

you were so big and strong....

dear God how I miss

you my sweet William....

Forever loving you,

Mumsy

xoxo to heaven

Four Long Years

Life goes on day by day and if you didn't

know what happened to Will...

you would not know that he

is no longer on this earth anymore.

HOW CAN LIFE GO ON

WITHOUT OUR WILLIAM???

People know that all caps in a message

connotates screaming...and if it means I

miss my only beloved son then yes....

I am screaming on the inside while

trying to hold together and present

a calm front on the outside.

It is surreal to even imagine that it

has been four awful, long years since

we saw the radiant smile you

wore so well on your handsome face.

It seems as if it can't be true

that it's been four years of silence

without the echoes of your laughter and

the sound of your music filling our home.

It's been far too long Sweet William...

& your mum, dad & sister want you back.

If I could even have just one day to

spend with you it would be a

dream come true!

Oh, how much I love and miss

my sweet little brown boy!

If our love could have kept you alive...

You would be alive still!

XOXOXOXO

to heaven!

We love you with all of our

hearts and souls and strength!

You will always be...

Forever Young...

Forever 19...

Forever in our Hearts...

Forever WILL!

Missing and Loving YOU!

Pepe, Mums, and Char your sissy

We Are All Missing You, Will...

My Heart is Hurting

My heart is hurting too bad to write too much today, why?
Today someone asked me if you were drunk when your car crashed...I was speechless and just looked at them completely amazed and utterly shocked that someone would ask such a thing....I could not believe it.

"No!" I said. I then proceeded to explain how the CHP told us you had fallen asleep at the wheel and drifted off the road missing the guard rail by a hair - to slam into an oak tree and then roll downward into the bottom of the ravine where your car then plunged into the river, submerging both you and the car under eight feet of water making it impossible to spot from the aerial searches by helicopter and visual searches by rescue works and everyone who helped us look for you, as the search stretched over four long, awful days.

Dear God...If anyone ever reads this, please remember to be kind and respectful if you ask anyone about their loved one that has passed from this life.
It's easy to be blunt but it makes a broken heart crush a little more takingit even longer to mend.
Please remember that a little bit of kindness goes a long way. Try to be kinder than you need to be to those you meet each day, because you never know what the other person is going through in their life at that moment of time.
Forever Loving my Will,
Susan Reynolds
xoxo to heaven Sweet William

A Christmas Miracle

on Almond Avenue for 2009

I asked God for a

miracle at our house

for Christmas this year.

It has been four long years

since William was taken

from us...We have not

been able to celebrate

the season at all because

it has been too painful

and filled with tears.

But I knew how much

Will and Charlotte

loved Christmas with all

the prepartions, decorating,

special holiday baking

(I think that was

Will's favorite part)

Remembering the year

we made

pajama pants

for everyone

with flannel prints

according

to their personalities...

we have had so much fun

throughout the years.

There have been so many

beautiful memories to

cherish forever.

I know you would

want us to learn to make

new memories,
Sweet William
I know that

you would not want

 us to be silently
weeping all alone.

So I prayed that God
would help us bring
Christmas back

to our little home.

He did help me...

We made it...

Even though I was too sick

 to even get out of bed

on Christmas Morning...

It was all there for

Dad, For Charlotte and Josh.

Dad had taken us up

towards Tahoe

and we all picked

out a tree...our first

one since your accident.

It was hard to even
look at the tree 
the first few days.

Dad and Charlotte
decorated it
I helped some too.

Dad turned on the lights

and it was so beautiful.

I placed your special

ornament right in front

towards the top and

Dad put your santa hat

from this picture on the

top of the tree instead

the angel or a star.

There were presents

to be opened once more

on Christmas morning

and funky stockings

stuffed to the brim...

Christmas came to

Almond Avenue

this year...

But missing our

Sweet William...

our little brown boy

made Christmas seem

so very far away.

I didn't get to see

the family open their gifts,

I was too sick in bed

by then...but

Christmas did come

to Almond Avenue this year

Ask God to help us

get up again in 2010

and not just survive,

but thrive...

just as you would

do if you were here

with us - always

living life to the fullest!

Anything to be Extreme!

We love and miss you

so very much...

Sweet William

You are:

Forever 19

Forever Young

Forever with Jesus

AND

Forever

In Our Hearts

XOXO to Heaven

Dearest William,

You are forever on my mind and always in my heart. You left a gaping wound in our very souls when you left us way too soon, and the pain never gets any easier to bear.

Anthony and Michael went up to visit your place at Mount Vernon...Michael left a Best Friends Bracelet Tag on one of the stands we have up there with your pictures on them...they both wrote in your book too and it just made me weep....to know how much your  cousins and friends miss you too...you are so loved!

We love you with all of our hearts and souls, Sweet William, and wish that God hadn't called you home when you were so young...especially in such an awful way.

Our hearts are yours forever....

Forever Young

Forever With Jesus

Forever Will,

Loving you....Dad, Mum, and Charlotte
xoxoxoxo to you in Heaven, Sweet William

4 years ago today...we cannot believe it has been

so very long and yet it seems like yesterday...

The agony of the day you went missing...

The heart-wrenching days of searching...

The awful memory of how you were found...

But now instead we try to fill our minds with...

The memories of your beautiful, radiant smile

It lingers long after the sun sets each day

The memory of your laughter

will forever echo in our hearts...

Our hearts that were broken the

day you were taken from us.

We will never ever forget you

Sweet William...

If our love could have kept you alive...

You'd be alive still!

Mere words cannot even begin to convey

what is in our hearts...

We love you Forever...

You are

Forever 19

Forever Young

Forever in our hearts

Forever Will

Missing you and loving you

our lil brown boy...

Pepe n Mums n Char

Our Hearts Are Broken...

http://www.simplydivinephotography.com/-/simplydivinephotography/gallery.asp?cat=48697&pID=2&row=15&photoID=3510219&searchTerm=

Your 23rd birthday came and went....

And yet it does it seem that it could

have really happened again without you being here

to share it with us.

We miss you so much Will...

Our lil brown boy.

I can't say enough how very much we miss you...

Mere words just are not enough.

I wonder where are your cousins and friends are...

What they are doing with their lives?

I only know how much I miss my

Only Beloved Son...

Until We Meet Again

Hugs Forever,

Mums

I love you so much Sweet William

Happy Birthday To You In Heaven William!

I dreamed a dream last night...
I saw a place that looked like it could be heaven, Will, but you could not see me. Heaven did not seem like what I expected...You know...clouds in the sky, angels with harps. It was a city though...A beautiful city. Of course there were golden streets. There were mansions. There were beautiful flowers and trees. Everywhere the eyes could see, there was more beauty than I had ever imagined possible.  That was when I saw you William...You were sitting at the feet of Jesus. He held out his hands to you...that was when I noticed in the palms of his hands there were horrible nail scars...Oh they looked brutal and ragged. But he showed you the scars, And this is what he said to you, "William, my son, I received these scars willingly for you...Because my love for you knows no bounds. I knew that with the scars on my body and the blood that I shed, I would be able to purchase your salvation...These scars allow you to be here in heaven with me forever...But now I have a job for you to do. I want you to join our heavenly orchestra. I want you to make music like you only dreamed of being able to play down when you lived on earth." He then led you to the center of heaven where there was a magnificent huge courtyard that was right before the throne of the Almighty God. It was there I saw musical instruments of every imaginable kind and some I have never seen before...There were already many people playing...He showed you to your very own special spot that he had been saving just for you. He placed you there and then he laid his nail-scarred hands on your head and blessed you to play in heaven's orchestra..."Play my son," he said, "Play with all of your heart and soul...Play like you had never even dreamed of playing before. Your music will be to worship the Almighty God, The Prince of Peace, The Everlasting Father...When you play with all of your heart...I will also be sending comfort to your loved ones that were left behind who miss you so very much...Your Life-Song will sing to them in the darkest times of their sadness. It will bring them hope of that beautiful tomorrow when you will all be with me here in Paradise...all together once again!"  With these words from the Prince of Peace, my dream was coming to an end as William joined in with the heavenly orchestra and began to play the most beautiful heavenly music I have ever heard...I just wish I could hear it every day...But now I can think about this beautiful dream and know that William is playing up there in Heaven with all of his heart and soul before the King of Kings...and that The Prince of Peace is using that music to bring comfort to we who are left behind...
WE LOVE YOU FOREVER LIL BROWN BOY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO WILLIAM IN HEAVEN